Boxed Away

I knew this early on
But

I put it in a box 

I wrapped it 

I taped it up

Put it as far away as I could

In the back of my mind

I hid this massive box away

under some smaller ones that I was saving for another day

 

After some time

Eventually 

I starting opening the boxes 

And started to process what was inside

It came time to look in this specific box 

The one that I hid so distantly 

As I opened the package

Feelings came jumping out

They came so fast

Worry

Dread

Sadness 

and fear

 

The reality began to dawn on me

I had let him down 

I hurt everyone by hiding this package so far away

I didn't want to see

Or remember 

Something had began 

And I desperately wanted it to just go away

It wouldn't 

It won't 

 

Disease only worsens with time

With no one to push him

To show him he's loved

He didn't see the point of trying to get help

I left the box for weeks

That time is endless when you feel so alone

He'd put it behind him

Ready to let time take it's course

I told him I wouldn't bring it up

That it wasn't anyone's business but his own 

I told him it was his life

He could do what he chose

I tied it up and threw it in a fucking pile

For days

For weeks

 

Now I'm awakened

I see this so clearly 

I shouldn't have said it wasn't my place 

I was selfish and misguided

I let him believe it was fine to ignore this

I let it sit

Let it fester

I didn't show him what his life meant to me

I didn't show him how much I care

I love him so much

Forever 

and always

But what is forever when time is passing before your eyes

 

I sit 

I cry

I cry

And cry

I can't make up for this time 

Where he didn't see my love

I didn't show him the true meaning of the word 

 

Now we'll address it

See what we can do

How bad is it?

What are the options?

 

My tears are shed

Day after day

Realizing what I've done is hard to bear

Leaving it so long

Not trying until now

I cry

And I cry

And I cry some more 

 

This one thing

This thing I chose to ignore

Unforgivable 

Life changing 

His life 

His future 

Our future

 

Each box I had put out of reach

Even the ones way in the back

Every box was a gift

Something so precious in each

This was the biggest one of all

It wasn't only a gift.

It was

It is

Life.

 

For now.

Like 0 Pin it 0