Brazilian- We aren’t always ready for what we need

You imagine a whole world, on which I only place a foot. It would disappear completely if you knew exactly where I stood. Determined not to give you a damn thing, but yet you always say the right thing. (A writer by rights…) And you don’t fool me for a second, but for hours I am deceived. I wait for you to break me, bound to a reckless moment of night. You have to understand I always thought you so naïve, but I discover so often that you know so much of me. I hate you see right through me. It was inevitable I would. And it makes my heart feel cold and empty, but swelling like a flood. I don’t resent you for it, but it scares me half to death. Clinging to the abstract, while you tear me down with the words, before you pass on to the light, leaving my soul soaring but confused. I don’t know if you meant it, and I doubt I ever will. I want to think that all these words strike me because they fit, that there is something between our souls which means you see just who I am, but most all I fear it, because I have no power in it. And you will laugh while I’m dying, and smiling all the time. I will give you nothing, and you will think it more. Because giving you all I have is nothing I’ve done before. In empty spaces it delights you to be all, but of occupied spaces you know nothing at all.
I hide from you in corners, but your damage brings me light. In my heart, darkest places I’d never allow a soul, I find you comfortably reside. But you won’t know it, you will continue living, charming and light. I don’t mean to say it was horrid, there were always patterns of joy, but now seem stained to point where I hardly see them at all. It was such a brief moment, so delightful and alive, but battered by careless winds. A flame which simply could not withstand the force of life and all its change. I can’t devour your loneliness and you won’t light my path, you will find your destiny as I retrace my past. And this is where we find our blockade. I’d give you everything, but it sadly it might break me, and I just can’t take that risk. You know me far too deeply for someone I can’t trust.