Chaotic or Poetic ?

I don't know where to start, I've told myself not to lose control
I'm tired and wanting to fall, I've told myself to fly back home
Who am I? Why am I sad? My life is full of riches, so why am I alone?
Why do I feel so cold...

Anything of beauty I get embarrassed, time to revert back to my laughter
I always hinder myself to a challenge, time to tell myself I'm a monster
I've painted over the cracks so many times
I'm just an ordinary person, when alone I cry

A man
A son
A father
A brother

It's easy to be a slave to money
When your past has crumbled
I'm not a shadow to the lonely
Even when I fell or stumbled

I go deep within my mind to find meaning and rhyme
Sometimes I struggle but I know the challenge is mine
This, truly is what I love doing and it's time I'm pursuing
Now, it's very strange to be called a poet time after time
A poet?
I was lost but then found
I was up but then down
As if happiness wasn't aloud
I swam instead of drowned

All of this seems chaotic
I knew I didn't know where to start
I get so damn hypnotic
But at least this is from the heart

A poet?
Roll up!
Roll up!
Time to revert back to my laughter...