Clumsy clot

What the hell I am a hamhanded clumsy clot, I haven’t any crockery left coz I have broken the bloody lot!! I was just putting my two china dishes in my cupboard on a shelf when the dam things fell out of my fingers, I almost crapped myself
So now my spouse is yapping like he’s never done THAT before, huh he’s just as bad as me at dropping things on the floor . Why am I so gawkish, graceless like a goat, just the other day I smashed my gravy boat .

The thing is when I drop dishes, I make a dam good mess, shards and splinters spread everywhere in a sight of sheer distress . So I shovel them all up with my dustpan and brush hoping my spouse doesn’t see me so I’m hurrying in a rush . Then you can bet your bottom dollar my sneakiness has been in vain, he never misses a trick and says to me “You’ve gone and done it again” Of course I deny it and say convincingly “ Huh it must have been you that broke them coz it wasn’t bloody me!!”