COMPUTER IN A COMA

Help help my computer does not work 
The function keys are going completely berserk 
Strange pop up boxes are starting to appear 
In a different language that's not very clear 

I have rang the computer helpline and no success 
How can I send an e mail is anybody's guess 
Does this mean my life is at an end ?
I consider my computer my one true friend 

What is my next option I haven't a clue 
I rely on my computer telling me what to do 
A pen and paper is the only option left to me 
Time for another computer as far as I can see