OUR GERTY THE COMPUTER VIRGIN!
" I`m a computer virgin!
I haven`t a bloody clue!!
Which buttons do I press?
An which soddin boxes do I choose?!
What the bloody hell`s an inbox?!
Why do ya have to bloody log in or out?!
Where the bloody hell`s the soddin on button on this flippin thing!!
I`m gonna give it such a bloody clout!!
What the hell`s a gmail?
Or a bloody email for that matter!
An what the heck do I do with all those bloody little squiggly things?!
Oh for heavens sake!....I haven`t a clue what the bloody hell they`re all for?!
Come on folks!... can someone bloody tell me?!.....
An do they really flippin matter?!
Now me head`s really bloody battered!
Oh look at me now....I`m getting me self in a right old mess!
Oooh!!..... now I`m so bloody angry!!
Aye up our Berty!.... oh come on lad!...where the bloody hell are ya?!....
Fetch me a pen an a flippin notepad will ya!
Then get ya self out to them there shops an buy me a bloody desk!!
Why the soddin hell does it keep offering me bloody cookies for cryin out loud??!!
The damn thing never mentions bloody tea!! "
G xx
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LOL!!....... you're always making me smile GEORGIE!!.........I think a lot of people will relate to this........ not just for the humor.......... but I too don't really trust them........I ALWAYS write my stuff in ink into my notebooks first......... just in case......... so many experiences where right in the middle of writing or posting something the whole darn thing just disappears and if you haven't written down you'll never get it back quite the same........... enjoyed this girlfriend!!......... Love and Hugs to you........... smiles...........T xo
I`m the same my gorgeous Beastie`, I have loads of note books because I don`t trust myself on this darn laptop. It`s so annoying when you type something in and accidentally loose it all and have to start again. I`m sure it has a little gremlin that enjoys annoying me!!!! When I was writing the poem THE SECRET GARDEN today I was nearly finished with it and suddenly I lost the whole thing and had to start again and it`s quite a long poem, so it`s taken me most of the day to put it on here in the humour topic and now I`m bloody knackered, I hope you like it, it`s just a bit of silliness!!! I have loads of note books with all the work I did for you on your blog.
I love you sweet cheecks.
G xx
Hi again, honey,
Linda and I just read your "Computer Virgin" and fell on our asses laughing, which at this writing we still are. First of all, not being familiar with British colloquialisms, I have to think "sodding" means the same as our four letter "f bomb". Although I've never even attempted to go on a computer I vicariously commiserated with your frustration. As you said, just give me a pen, paper and a table to sit at and you can take those sodding computers and shove them where the sun don't shine. Great write; haven't laughed that hard for quite a while.
Hugs, Peace and Love,
xox Larry and Linda
Hi to my two favourite people! Happy Sunday to both of you!
( Soddin, chuffin, blummin and flippin! ` yes` that`s how they are spelt! in local colloquialism around `Liverpool` ) All mean roughly the same thing as bloody, they are the less offensive forms of swearing. I never use really `bad` language in my work, but when it comes to writing my humourous pieces, I think some soft simple, every day kind of slightly naughty language is ok!! I certainly !HOPE! people aren`t offended by them and the way I use them!!!!!!
I absolutely detest foul language in anything, so for me to use this form of softer, colloquialistic language, is rare, but it`s fun! and I only use it in my lighthearted pieces. I find that it helps with the flow and the narrative of the story. I hope it helps my reader`s to picture those two rambunctious decrepit old duffer`s in their natural surroundings, around the fire at home in their little two up/two down tatty, worn out terraced house, in the very ordinary old fashioned streets of the last century in Liverpool.
In my Berty and Gerty series of poems, I picture a poor ordinary run of the mill, decrepit little old man, in his scruffy patched up cardigan, with his walking zimmer frame, his pipe, and half rimmed glasses and his beloved pigeons. That`s our Berty! Along with his poor long suffering, work worn wife in her cooking apron, hair net and curlers and slippers. That`s our Gerty!! They are always squabbling about something silly, but they are still close and wouldn`t be without each other for the world. They get rather ticked off with each others mythering, ( moaning! ) but although they are used to them, they also get ticked off with each others bad habits too! But they love each other dearly and wouldn`t be without each other for anything. There are a few pieces about them and their antics on my list, if you haven`t read them already that is! In those pieces especially, I use the above colloquialisms and though it may look like I have made many mistakes by missing the ending letters off words, they`re not mistakes I am just trying to get over to the reader the humourous colloquialism of the north of England.
I`m thrilled that this piece had you laughing and that`s exactly what I wanted it to do, so you`ve made my `chuffin` day `kidda` with that!!! I love you both dearly and I hope you are both having a wonderful Sunday rest.
God bless and keep you both safe.
Love G xx
HI Georgina... Ha ha i loved this, so funny this is me on the lap too, i have also written a whole poem pressed something and lost it all, then i cant remember what i` ve written so frustrating lol, I am getting slightly better, well i think i am.
Thanks for the giggle
hugs..Debs x
You are quite welcome Deborah, I always write in notebooks first so that they don`t get lost!....hugs
G xx
Hi Deborah,
Ya know sweetie!!.... All those people and actors who can fully recite a poem perfectly to others from memory!! I really bloody envy them!! because I can`t remember any of mine and I wrote the bloody things!! It takes me all my time to remember my own flipping name at times!! My mother-in-law quite often starts saying a poem to me and it`s not till she gets to the end that I realize that it`s actually one of mine!!! She thinks I`m hilarious because I`m such a ditzy mare. So that`s why I write every one of mine down into my notebooks first, before I put them onto the laptop, just in case I make a boob and loose the lot and have to start again. I`m glad you enjoyed this one sweetie and thank you for taking the time to comment on it.
Hugs and love
G xx