Cursed as if Invisible

That dusty lamp in the corner that hasn't been turned on in years
The change you collect just to forget it's there 

A nice meal you let sit and rot in the fridge 

I am that dusty lamp

I am pocket change

I am left to sit and rot

Over looked, unacknowledged, not even worth a second thought,

am I worth.

CONSTANTLY

Doomingly craving any soul to bless me with friendship, love, kindness, intellect 

Stuck with silence.....pure agony, 

to feel as nothing but a pest to all

And a irritant to the iris so it seems

silence..... ah

Like pulling your warm wet lips off a freezing popsicle to see ripped flesh conformed to the sugar

uncomfortable, displeasing, & quite unsettling, 

so between my inner screams for acknowledgment and in wonder of Why?

What did I do wrong?

Is it me?

When is it my turn to shine?

Why talk as if I'm not here? 

You don't remember? I was there,...no really I was. 

"Can I come too?" 

"Oh, you weren't talking to me..."

"You were there?", "ha I didn't realize"

"Gotta cancel our plans, let's try next time"

Nothing more than, "waste of space, energy, and time"

Thought by many

Loved by none

Who knew it would get so lonely?

No calls, texts, letters, photos

Left on read

No reply

For months 

Upon months

I could be dead, literally noone cares????????

Mom?????

"I love you mom"

No reply

No answer

Fuckin nothin from nobody

 

Brought in the world by 2

But 2 was ew and 1 was fun

So I picked up a gun

It had begun, just being 1

 

alone, only with my imagination to appease this deep feeling of self loathing to fix my empty heart 

Knotted, it won't start from lack of compassion, acknowledgment, and empathy 

In this invisibly I have been forsaken

There is no such sorrow as this

But it's quite despicable 

So now I have not a single care

And therefore will be a ghost

Wandering amlously, 

silently, detected by none

And when you finally realize

What a shining, warm, glorious gem you found, hidden, 

tucked away waiting for ANYONE 

to find and marvel

You will not find me

You will not reach me

You will not see me

It'd been too late 

I'd  given so many chances to be seen

 

 

 

I tried to catch a gaze, 1 last try 

To see who might/not walk by

shining so bright 

Fighting so hard

Trying my damnest 

But nope 

Just looking for acceptance and peace, that's all

I will have lost my luster,

I waited my whole life to shine 

To rise

To be radiant 

To share moments of sheer, pure happiness

and I burnt out with only few select moments of vibrancy

For nothing and noone to

Appreciate knowing me and how I glow ever so bright, lighting up everything around me 

For vacant eyes to see

And deaf ears to hear

noone sees or listens

But I'll tell you again

 

 

Spent all this time waiting to shine

Waiting 

Cherishing the thought of another knowing me inside and out.............      but that's too much to ask

I just want eye contact, a genuine laugh, 

A smile, conversation, even just a lounge on a couch in silence purposely shifting to attract any sort of contact 

buzzing in anticipation 

Looking for a sparkle....

Twinkle... anything...

No interest to even fake a smile

Just blank eyes with 1 interest

 

 

 

Overwhelmed 

And a shiver down my back

Nothing but disappointment

Lack of luster

And not a morsel of true kindness ever graced upon me

No matter,

I will just simply go mad 

No need to care any further

Because I have a friend 

And you are me as I am you

Chit chatting

Giggling 

Shooting notes across the room

Noone can separate the 2

Just to say someone cares

And know, to watch out

I have a crazy best friend

That you will never see

Because of invisibly 

 

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