Poem -
Darkness Pray
As the dark dawns I have the sheep follow my lead,
One be held as I cut thy throat and watch it bleed.
As I pray for the mighty lord to hear my call.
The ground will open and I will lead them all.
Join us as all as we pray,
For the onset of a heroic day.
Demons have you in their grip.
Try to run, it takes one slip.
You can not escape, you can not hide.
For all the hell is already inside.
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Comments
HOLY CRAP!!
WOW EXCELLENT. WOW
Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed
A remarkably strident piece...the imagery is vivid (if a little sanguine!); the insistent momentum of each line drives the scene to the very End.
Powerful!
Welcome to Cosmofunnel.
J ;)
I appreciate your compliment. I am glad that you enjoyed my poem and had received the powerful feel behind it. Thank you very much.
Hello Alicia; dig this write, very well written. I may benefit a bit from some mechanical editing however. Shorter sentences such as:
As dark dawns
I have the sheep follow my lead,
One be held
As I cut thy throat,
Watching it bleed.
As I pray for the mighty lord to hear my call.
The ground opens,
and I will lead them all.
Join us,
as we all pray.
for the onset, of a heroic day.
Demons have you in their grip.
Try to run,
It takes one slip.
You cannot escape,
You cannot hide.
For all the hell,
Is already inside.... This may read a bit easier, course, it all depends on ones own style, as I have said, this is already a good write, word and content wise, I am a fan if this, very well done.
Thank you.
Your welcome... :)