Dear Mommy

Your smile and laughter ill never forget, 

But in times of dispair I surely regret 

Our moments in the past were never the best, 

Yet I have to thank God that youre finally at rest. 

You always tried to be the best mother that you could be,  

But sadly I was blinded and could never truly see. 

The pain and the sorrow that you felt every day, 

I still find myself wishing that you could just stay. 

The strongest women that I could ever know, 

Has now left, it’s the end of the show. 

Just one more day with you is all I could ask, 

But you were taken away, so now I wear this mask. 

My heart is heavy and the scars run deep, 

The road ahead now seems so steep. 

The days keep passing by so fast,  

I take all these pills and hope its my last. 

I do all these things to try and mend my broken heart, 

It seems like the end, but its only the start. 

Only 16 Mommy, why did you go? 

Now im doing al these things and ive gotten so low. 

Im trying so hard to make you proud, 

But whatever I do theres always a crowd. 

Ive become better at hiding the pain,  

But even when there is sunshine, I can still feel the rain. 

Daddy says he sees your beauty inside of me,  

But I close my eyes because im afraid to see. 

5 beautiful babies and 25 years down the drain. 

You left us so early no more time left to gain. 

You picked up the drugs and shot them in your veins,  

At 10 I see blood spatters, what are all these stains? 

As I wash the dishes I find burnt spoons. 

I go through all your stuff and through all the rooms 

You said no more Mommy, you said this was the last time. 

But you keep choosing the drugs, youre supposed to be mine. 

All of these memories keep running through my head,  

I want this to end so I just go to bed. 

The depression takes over, its happening again, 

So I pick up the razor and try to make ammends. 

No one told me that you were going away, 

So I tried to convince myself that you were going to stay. 

Next thing hospice comes to take away the pain,  

This is what ive been avoiding, now here comes the rain. 

I lay my head down over your heart and listen. 

Your eyes are closed now so I cant see them glisten. 

"I love you so much Mommy, I promise ill be back in the morning." 

2:16 a.m. comes around and then it starts storming. 

This is it now, the time I thought would never dome. 

But deep down I think I knew and now I feel so dumb. 

4 years later and its still just as hard,  

Another missed birthday, not even one more card. 

Im starting to realize that God has a plan,  

I used to deny it and I just ran. 

This is no longer goodbye Mommy, ill see you again one day, 

And when that time comes youll be with me forever to stay.