Dialectical Behavior

I feel like I lost my “base”. My home, my refuge. My safe place. Now shattered into a million pieces of sharded glass inches from where my kids laid their heads May Allah bless the dead and dead to me a broken rhapsody on repeat stuck  in intervals on the jukebox of my brains but  intertwined? We? never again. I felt more than lust: I thought. Was it really not love at first sight? Or was it just that I was coming down from a binge of a high. I saw you and instantaneously all desires of self-sabotage erased from my toxic unhinged mind. Yea well at the time I had two bottles 100 proof you know me always down for the do or die? Always down for the who-ride..was I? Right? Just a little punk inside. Seeing other souls hurt truly hurts me inside I’ll cry no lie. Never knew why. I’ve always maximized to the sky with no regard as to whose lives I was stepping on to step by. I had no regard for life not his hers or mines. A walking hypocritical liar ashamed to take blame for my hand in the cookie jar. Just a nucking futs weirdo attached to an internal ball of combustible waste out to ruin everyone who entered my space I am a disgrace I Felt so much hate homicidal thoughts would constantly permeate. Gotta be Insane. Too much on my plate? Nah not me I’m cut from a different cloth. China’s Kids can handle anything. Tail between my legs like courage the dog who cowardly  and so was she walking the plank of my own ship true asylum Queen but too chicken to choke and too pussy to rock the boat. The TRUTH did you quote learned to sit in silence as Knowledge spoke. Now it’s time to float. I ghost .