Drops Of Regret

Rain...
Brings back memories

They are not always the sunshine afterwards
Sometimes the sunshine afterwards

Can be forgetfulness
I like to forget, because forgetting brings me peace

But I know it's only
The artificial sense of

Letting go. When it
Rains...

I remember
And then I want to go to sleep

Because so many thoughts
Begin to cloud my consciousness

The raindrops set fire to my spinal cord, and
It makes me tremble

What if, when it rains
I could shut off my mind

Until the end of the day
Or just curl up and die

Until the sky clears up
Because all I can think is

" Why couldn't I have been beaten, instead of tasted and touched?"
And I can finally see that "I was tainted, not loved. "

What I want more than anything, is to stop being weak
I just considered writing of something

But that subject is too deep
Let's just say

The persistent beat of the rain; it
Used to calm me,

But that was when I was innocent...
Now it's the melody of Death for me, and it

Haunts me, and it mocks me, and I feel
Exposed.. </3

Sometimes it feels okay to go on and cry
Other times,

My eyes
Lose every ounce of their life

And are left with a vacancy, the hollow weight
Of my hunger for an escape.

And this is my prayer
The one that I sometimes feel, just bounces around the atmosphere,

Never reaching God's ear?

"As the Drops of Regret are taking my body's place, Dear Lord:
How about you kiss my scars, and I'll confess to you my folly?

Scatter my remains in the stars,
And I'll offer up to you my spirit?

It's crying out to you, can you hear it?
And it's reaching up for you, will you really let it die? "

And then cool blade connects with warm flesh
A spirit is suspended into a biblical Hell

And then a spiritual death perpetuated forevermore
And  nevermore will you remember me

And disown me from your name
I love you I love you i love you

I don't want to end that way
As the flames of the deranged would be taking my soul's place

And as the Drops of Regret are making my heart ache..