Empty Vessel

I need the silence
Blood flowing in my head.
Heartbeats quicken, jumping with abandon.
A sense of loneliness like a shroud envelops me,
I hear a voice in my head, speaking but silently….
who do I tell my fears to?.....
I’m never who I say I am.
Who would know me anyway?
No one wants to share this bottomless pit
of feelings of abandonment, numbing all senses.
Ghosts from my past memories fill my empty emotions
Is this a dream? An incubus to swallow me whole...
I talk endlessly without being heard,
say words no one absorbs.
Take this anger away... that isn’t me!
I’m the silent loving one.... ignored.
Pain should be hurting but sometimes pain is a salve.
When I smile it hides the anger.
Don’t tell me to trust…faith rendered  to dust.
Emptiness sucks out my soul,
I let each dream pass me by without a backward glance.
The road ahead unsignposted and seemingly unending
I block out the world -faith gone in humanity.
I look normal, I look nice, I smile  to disguise my black soul
You don’t see me- know me -only what I chose to display.
When I leave the room no one  even knows I’ve  gone away