Erin Go Braugh

ERIN GO BRAUGH -  “Ireland Forever!”

Druids Bar  (50th St. & 11th Ave NYC),
Hell’s Kitchen – St. Patrick’s Day – 2,000.

It is my second year teaching at Park West High
School,  and I am invited to the famous Saint
Patrick’s Day meal of corn beef,  cabbage,
potatoes and carrots with my teaching mates.

I have never partaken before,  and the corn beef
high in fat, is washed down with pints of Guinness.
The cabbage breaks down
into methane, carbon dioxide and hydrogen,
filling my belly just before bedtime.

I lay on the floor in the fetal position,
in my 3rd floor apartment in Queens,
feeling as though I am giving birth. I
make groaning noises and keep
saying,  “Never again!”

The experience is so traumatizing, it is
five years before I touch cabbage again.
When I do,  I take a beano pill,  and eat one
small helping to avoid my innards
contraction pains caused by gas.

Erin go braugh?  More like
Erin needs to go to the Emergency Room.