Everything You Never Thought

353, 000. That many people also have your birthday.
It all started at the beginning, with you.
Equality. Innocence. Confusion. Independence. Trapped.
You do not know anything, not even yourself.
You have been forced into a life you did not ask for, did not expect, and you cannot leave.
You age by the second, becoming more confused.
You float in a river of confusion; of life.
You learn to live, learn why you are you.
Someone wanted to bring you into the world.
To love you.
To cherish you.
To give you everything you could ever want.
Yet they did not know, it was at the quiet expense of their own river of life.

For years, you lived a simple life. Free of complications, expectations, and reality.
As real life seeps in, you develop into a teenager, fitting into the mold of sarcasm and disrespect.
You have been preparing for this, but now it is here containing everything you never thought.
Expectations. Money. Family. Issues.
Your childish river transforms into a wide lake, as your discover the lies of life.
You are left with a misunderstanding of yourself and why you are here.
Your easy life becomes a fight for survival.
Sickness enters your life. Hospital visits. Doctors. Money.
Your parents gave you life, yet they reconsider why as they struggle to support you from all angles.
You fight for your life as you cope with knowing that you are why they suffer.
You wanted everything. Got everything. Now, you are the reason they have nothing.
Searching for a droplet of hope you tell yourself “This is what they chose. I am what they want”
Never enough.

As you continue to aimlessly float along in life, you realize what you have done.
Your attitude. How you treated your parents. Your friends. Your enemies.
You caused this, you wanted everything.
Selfish. Ignorant.
They gave you everything, and you treated them dreadfully.
Imperfect. Regretful.
Wishing you could go back to when you were younger, when you thought life would be easy.
Taking back your choices. What you wanted. Where you went. Your thrills. Your river.
All you want is to give your parents back their life. Everything they had before you.
A burden.

One day you will grow up.
Realize there is more to life. More than the struggles. More than the sacrifice.
Choices are made every day.
You were a choice.
We choose things that we want.
For years you floated on a never ending river of everything you wanted. Until you weren’t.
You fought for your life. Struggled to have a life. Regain what was once yours.
What you did not realize, was that life involves struggling.
Ups and downs.
Drought is normal.
Life is not what you expected.
You were not what your parents were expecting.
You were everything. And more.
You can prepare for something your whole life, and still not be ready when it comes.
You lay here, caught up in other people’s life. Other people’s happiness.
Don’t..
Focus on floating on your own river of life. Allowing it to change. Grow bigger. Make turns. Change directions.
No dead ends.