Excruciating Pain

I lie to myself, to my friend, to my family, and to my peers, I lie to them with this enthusiastic smile of mine, this smile that is so deceiving and cunning that it hides my pain, my true excruciating pain that hides.
THIS EXCRUCIATING PAIN CONTROLS ME, IT CONTROLS ALL MY MOVEMENTS, ACTIONS, WORDS, AND IT CONRTOLS MY THOUGHTS…
I die every day, every time I wake up to get out of bed to head to work, head outside, or head over to see my friends…but I’m so glad to have these friends of mine, these friends that stay by my side through the bad times, but these friends of mine also suffer, they suffer in different ways than I, but they still suffer from the pain that controls us every time, so we try and try to fight these demons that hide, the repulsive demons that hides in that dark precarious corner of ours, that corner that will never go away, but whos to say that corner will never go away -
SO WHY… OH WHY…
Why do I not just the seek the help, the help from others outside, from the people who could have the answers, the answers to free me from the dark precarious corner that hides, that those repulsive demons of mine, those demons that controls me from inside that dark precarious corner mime… but who is to say that corner will go away, away with those demons that hides, that hides in that corner for just the right time, on the right day. Those demons of mine wait, they wait for the anger to build, to reach its highest peak and then at that right time, on that right day they jump, and jump to a full blast so that your anger goes out of control on that person that was there, that person who I hold dear, that same person that I love and never want to hurt.