Explaining My Depression To My Mom A Conversation

​​​​​​Mom, my Depression is a shapeshifter, one day its a rabbit caught by a fox, the next day its the fox!! My Anxiety, is like that close unwanted friend who brings its mom Depression to the party, and i'm the party!!! And i don't want to be at the party!!

Mom says, "Where did Anxiety come from!? I thought the problem was that you couldn't get out of bed!!".

Yes Mom!! My Anxiety chains me down to the bed as insomnia looms over me making the moon as bright as the sun, and the bed to hard to sleep!!

Mom then says, " Count Sheep!".

I can't count sheep, when i can only count all the ways i'm not who you want me to be!! I can only go out for walks, waking up to me sleep walking in an ocean of happy that i can't be!

Mom says, " Make plans!! Go to parties!! Hang out with Friends!!".

Yea Mom i do make plans, but i make them knowing i should want to go, but i don't want to go! It's not fun, when you want to have fun, but cant have fun cause that close unwanted friend Anxiety looms over your shoulder, whispering sour words in my ears!!!

Mom still doesn't un-der-STAND!!!

Mom can't you see i didn't understand it to!? That i just want to get in a ball and cry, because i fear not knowing, and i build up walls so high i can't see the sun or sky!?

Mom yells and asks me if i'm afraid of dyeing!?

No Mom!!! I'm afraid of living!! Can't you see i'm lonely!? When dad ran away I turned anger inter lonely, and then lonely into busy!! So when i say i'm busy, I mean i'm lonely and stay awake watching TV. to not meet the lonely half of my bed!! Bust my Anxiety and Depression drag my crumbling legs to my bed, as insomnia makes me suffer and stay away!!

Mom still can't understand!!!

Mom why can't you see neither can i!!??