Failing the HSC

It’s over.   I’m over.   Am I over?
I walk,         take      a long walk
turning over        in the shadow
that was my mind        spent on
that process called           rigour
-gitation      but      my digestive
system must have          missed
some       cognitive     plumbing.
Am I an invalid?          Where to
from here?   I walk,       past my
neighbourhood,            that I’ve
let down.         Nothing to show
for my efforts       but       the ex
-posure of        my   inadequacy
I get dark,  sink.    I sink into   a
tunnel under the park    it   gets
darker.  I    secretly hope  there
is a tomb  here under the earth
with my name on it   and  I can
smell the rot   that     was    my
life  remains  ominous    future
Swallow me  now     Hide    my
shame Let those shadows that
consumed my success    enter
these here rats      and  devour
what       sorry scraps      leave
my blood join   this slime wets
my limp         palms      purged
with the wastewater   that was
my life       I can’t see,    I gash
something of my   numb body
I hear my regrets     salivating
as my existence threatens   to
trickle away, but   up     ahead
a light, dim amber         do     I
stop or do I         go!  My heart
races as I recall   the love  and
sacrifices of who    believed in
me   and I      have to       fight   
rush to the   exit from despair