Poem -
Family Man
I was bleedin I was broken, a half dead token, of what life used to be before it was spoken. But spoken it was, and we shall do as one does, in times like these, in times of unease. But my will was strong as I lay in this mud, thinking of family, and not my own blood. I can feel the pain without concern, but with thoughts of home, I want to return. My wife, my family, so dear to me, with little Max and Jack Samuel I hope to see. I fear that I'm fading, it's fast, and I'm falling. I feel that my being is pulled to this calling. Oh God, please take this soul of mine, and watch over my family for the remainder of time.
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Comments
HI Thomas, we live in difficult times and there must be many similar thoughts being thought by young men and women- very nicely expressed and with a good balance of emotion running throughout. Good job!.... 5 stars.... for this one and a great start! welcome to Cosmofunnel- enjoy!
Lodigiana xx
Thank you Lodigiana for the kind words. It's the first time that I have submitted a poem anywhere. I didn't quite know what to expect. Thanks again Lodigiana.
Thoughts of death attack us all
But how you expressed them
Did me enthrall
Thank you kindly
Thank you Ja. I'm not an experienced writer but I enjoy it. Thanks again Ja.
Hey THOMAS!!..... another powerful piece.... I think I read another earlier..... This one speaking directly to God as you find yourself in the eye of the storm of what I can only assume was WWII or Vietnam!!..... you have some excellent rhymes going on throughout and you've created some powerful images as well here..... but..if you broke your lines differently in your formatting this would be even MORE powerful and would read more fluidly..(just my opinion, please don't be offended it's just a suggestion)..,,, but lines like ~ "...as I lay in this mud, thinking of family, and not my own blood.." would jump off of the page!!..... anyway, a striking write brother poet!!.....ALL STARS!!..... well done!!......LOVE and ROCKETS!!.......T xo ?✳✴☀
nice write linda keep going linda