For better , or worse?

I never meant to push you away from me you know,
   in retrospect I know I did though. 

 I regret so many things I've done or didn't do but should have, every single day,
And wish I could learn how to let go of shit, but hey...

 mostly I wish I was good enough for someone to believe in , if ever even or just for today.

No ones fault. 
I'm the sum of the choices I've made.
My Love, once red with passion,
 now just shadowed
 by a weaker, much paler kind of life, and by my own darkness,  in the shade.

Heart of stone:
Heavy, and again alone

Benediction:
Left with a love you cannot save
Turned, irreparable, damaged, jaded

A vagabond soul,
wandering,
 aimlessly roaming,  
without a purpose,
Without a home.

Conscience is a bastard.

Emotion is as curse.

As my silver chord is loosed from the will to even be,
I wonder anymore,...

  Is this forever that I'm firmly shackled to,

a blessing, or a curse?

17©
KS