For better , or worse?

       I never meant to push you away from me you know,
   but in ever angle of my retrospect I know I did though. 

   I regret so many things I've done, or didn't do but should have, and every single day,
And wish I could learn how to let go of shit, let some weight go, but hey...

 Mostly I justvwish I was good enough for someone to believe in , if ever even,
or even just for today.

No ones fault. 
and clearly, loves not to blame
I'm the sum of the choices
i alone have made

My Love, once red with passions passion,
 now just shadowed
 by a weaker, much paler kind of life, and by my own darkness,  
in this bed I've somehow made.

Heart of stone:
Heavy, and again alone

Benediction:
Left with a love you cannot save
turned, irreparable, damaged, jaded

A vagabond soul,
wandering,
 aimlessly roaming,  
without a purpose,
Without a home.

Conscience is a bastard.

Emotion is as a curse.

As my silver chord is loosed from the will to even any longer be,

for better or worse,
I wonder anymore,...

  Is this forever that I'm firmly shackled to,
,that  winds and heaps at my feet,   

a blessing, or a curse?

 life's little trick, or a mad man's treat?

17©
KS