Forever Forgiving

Sometimes I wonder why I make the same mistakes time after time,
All the bullshit I allow myself to deal wit you think I would learn,
Continuing to ignore all the various  signs ,
Allows me to crash and burn when karma says its time,
Playing musical chairs with all the
Opportunities I should've captured ,
Feeling like I lost myself and can't heal the fractured,
Floating on these waves waiting for the storm to rapture
They say "such a beautiful girl but she lets her blessings pass her"
Sadly it's the painful truth
Beautifull on the outside 
On the inside she's living proof
That you can be a walking body with no soul
The weight on one person can really take its tole
How can u expect someone not to fold?
How can you expect someone to always remain bold ?
I really wish I had a stable hand to hold 
"Staying humble and keeping faith will lead you"is what I was always told 
Damn 
than why does it feel like it's a never ending battle ?
Take 10 steps forward to get knocked 20 steps backwards 
I just pray that God leads me down the right pathway 
Every time I'm doing good I get stopped half-way
I go back to the day I was shooting hoops in my driveway
Just too realize how I let time fly away
Always trying to do things my way really got me no where 
instead of doing it the right way
I could've been somewhere
I keep my head up and continue to smile
But in reality I haven't been happy in a while
I Put my stepping stools down too see I'm missing a tile
People say they care but i don't see a number To dial
I can feel my heart beat in my chest
Sometimes I honestly wish it would beat less
People see me on the outside would never know I'm a mess
Do you know what it feels like to be broken on the inside?
Could you imagine the pain I've conceived along this ride?
You can't even start to imagine
Feels like my life is just another beauty pageant 
I'm always in contest 
They say to be great u have to fail 
 But Can u blame me for wanting to bail?
When the only Support system I had was a fragile rail?
And behind her footsteps I seem to trail
I wanna be different 
I can't keep settling for this life I'm living
People are quick to take but I'm quick at giving
It's turned my heart ice cold and left my body shriveling  
But once again I continued forgiving 
I wonder if that's what's gunna mold my ending....