Fuck digital, it was real

Whenever I went online,
I felt happiness down my spine.

Profile picture and name was fake and stuff,
first they started accusing me for it rightfully, but they must've taken too much of that snuff.

5 channels in total, just stucked with one,
there were already people I started to shun.

People, whom names I knew by heart immedietly,
even though I did poke at their sides a bit unusually,
they still came by my side after saying something substantially.

Ever since entering the public chat I was able to meet that side of me again.
The side, who could joke without thinking what was sometimes a lot at once but still plain.

After every message, there was something worth to think and write about.
Something worth responding for.

Do not understand me wrong, I kept on tact with what they talked about.
Online Spee 7 hours each day what is a huge amount.

So they eventually accepted me,
I even got nicknames like asker, see?

At midnight when their friends were not online but me as always, they turned to me asking:
Come in, let's play-
Have you seen..?
Do you still have..?
Where is..?

All that while they never have seen me nor known my age in real life.

But they started to notice some stuff.
After some games we played, they said:
You are good at drawing!
Your handwriting is so pretty.

And finally, someone understood:
She is a kind woman, just a bit dim-witted and people going along with, adding ironically: a little bit?

These private messages impacted me the most, who knew that when no one is there to give you a eye, you start telling them Private stuff about your life?

Intimate themes did not feel that intimate anymore with writing with them about it.
I am not sensitive with it actually.
Or am I really not if with the right people?

I started to visit his profile more often,
my attitude towards him has soften.
While he chattes short but kind with everybody,
I started to show him I was a bit disappointed in his words that Sound pointed.
Hinting at it by answering short too, and him actually joining my earlier feelings.

With him and him with me, we shared Lots of Privacy.
Somewhat in that Chatroom that is not really widely spread,
Still forgetting where we are at.
Because when he started to ask: why were you screnshotting that?
I answered with: It was just that convo we had about your dad. It is not that bad.

And then we apologized to each other quickly again.

Your: It's okay. I love you or so, made my Slip off the stairs All over again and break my back.

Bringing back the day I started developing feelings, since or so was something I always said that bounced on the ceiling back into my heart.

Me infecting you with my sillyness,
you infecting me with your bluntness.
When people started making a big deal about my apparence,
you hissed back then giving them ressurance.

Even though you were a channel Moderator.

When mood swings hit and parents were yelling sometime,
that left the channel quite with a chime.

Being mad and stubborn that the chat is still active, even though I knew ~100 people were in there and just 40 or what passive, people kept reaching out.

When I told him I am not doing well,
he sent me sleep like I am a kid who knew nothing about hell.
Not asking further and just wishing me well.

Calling me little sister and I felt his messages staying sticked on my forhead peotective.

In the end deciding to leave, away from some silly criers and overreacting,
I still called them friends:
Goodbye friends, stay healthy and stuff.

I wanted to tell you I actually have a crush on you since I will leave the Chatroom anyway but then I realized, you would not care.
We never knew eachother.
It would not have made any difference.
So, I left, without leaving a message that I am going.

You were not online that day, but I we shared a funny moment together yesterday.

Even after I watched you with another acc but then deleted it.

I will always remember the: ,,She knows everyone.",
from people of the channel.
And I really did, just in a different way.