goodbye

"So, is this it?
The end?"
Your voice is steady,
but I can sense the crack underneath.

"End of what?"
I smile, though it feels thin.
"We’ve been here before, haven’t we?"

"Yes, but this time feels different."
You tilt your head, like you’re trying to solve a puzzle.
Or maybe it's me you’re trying to solve.
"And we’ve said everything, haven’t we?"

I pause, considering.
"Have we?
I’m not so sure.
Maybe there’s still something left unsaid."
I look at you, hoping you’ll catch on.

You laugh,
that soft, familiar laugh that’s half disbelief.
"You always do this,
always pulling away just when we’re close to saying it."
There’s warmth in your frustration,
like you know me too well.

"And you always push," I say,
"like you think there’s some magic word that’ll fix it all."

You sigh,
but it’s the kind that holds affection,
like you’re tired of the dance but can’t help loving it.
"Maybe I just want to understand why
you’re always so far away,
even when you’re right here."

I shrug,
"Maybe it’s safer that way.
No one gets hurt when you keep a little distance."
I say it too easily, like I’ve rehearsed it a thousand times.
And maybe I have.

"And yet here we are,
still doing this…
whatever this is."
You raise an eyebrow,
half amused, half weary.

"Yeah," I admit,
"maybe we’re saying goodbye
to the wrong things.
Or maybe just to the pretending."

"Is that what this is, then?
A goodbye?"
You ask, but there’s no fear in your voice this time.

"Maybe," I say,
"but not to you.
To the distance,
to the silence that’s kept us at arm's length."
I let the words hang there, uncertain but real.

"That sounds… complicated," you say,
but your smile betrays you,
soft and knowing.

I laugh, shaking my head.
"Everything is complicated.
That’s the only thing I know for sure."

We sit in that moment,
not quite leaving,
not quite staying.
There’s something tender in it,
like we both know the truth
but aren’t rushing to say it.

"So… goodbye?" you ask again,
but this time, it’s almost playful.

"Goodbye to the parts we hid.
Goodbye to the walls."
I take your hand,
finally willing to let it happen.

"That’s not such a bad goodbye,"
you say, leaning in just a little closer.

"No," I agree,
"it’s not."