Grey Mistakes

I see you 
You watched me grow 
From holding my hand in a grocery store, and from me looking up
I cannot remember as I was too young 
But you told me I asked something
So profound 
At age 5, or 6, I don’t know which one
Something about my Dad 
Something a 6 year old shouldn’t notice, so small
I saw your face as you told me this memory
Growing silent, and a haziness flooding your mind
Quickly a smile took over, changing the subject to words I cannot recall
I see you 
Years later 
Christmas, New Years, birthdays, and other times 
Putting on your make up, curling your hair, and driving me to school
I will always remember that day you spoke about our grocery store trip
My young self gazing up into your deep blue-greys
How you faded away slightly as if regretting a life decision made
“But at-least it gave me you.”
You held me so close , I could smell your perfume 
And years later, I now understand 
Pain is love 
As love is in pain
This lesson
This advice 
I gained