He Sat On My Hamster
My hamster was freely running about On my bed
The next thing I know
The poor thing is dead
Running about, happily minding it's Own knitting
My clumsy mate didn’t check where He was sitting
He sat on my hamster
Which I loved to bits
He sat on my hamster
Not for sexual kicks
He sat on my hamster
The thing was far from past it
He sat on my hamster
The dirty rotten bastard
You see this story goes back to when We were just kids
Preparing amphetamine in my Bedroom
Which we called wizz
He sat on my hamster
We were fourteen years old
I'd left the room for a moment
My mate was fully clothed...
So I'm told
I returned to the room
Just a moment too late
"Syd!
I've sat on your hamster!
I'm so sorry mate!"
You sat on my hamster
Which I loved to bits
You sat on my hamster
I bet it was for sexual kicks!
You sat on my hamster
The thing was far from past it
You sat on my hamster
You dirty rotten bastard!
No time to explain to parents
The wizz was kicking in
So I hid the poor thing
In the waste paper bin
I'd explain in the morning once the Drugs had wore off
Yes I'd explain in the morning
With an altered story
Explain in the morning
Making the story less gory
He sat on my hamster
Which I loved to bits
He sat on my hamster
Not for sexual kicks
He sat on my hamster
The thing was far from past it
He sat on my hamster
The dirty rotten bastard
The next morning I returned
My tail between my legs
The fabricated last hours of it's life
Filled me with dread
"Mam my poor hamster
He must have died peacefully last night"
I couldn't seem convincing though
Try as I might
He sat on my hamster
Which I loved to bits
He sat on my hamster
Not for sexual kicks
He sat on my hamster
The thing was far from past it
He sat on my hamster
The dirty rotten bastard
"I heard of your hamster
I wasn't born yesterday son
You're story's a farce
The last thing your hamster saw
Was your mates track suit bottom clad arse"
"He sat on your hamster
You take us for mugs
I heard all of the conversation
Including the drugs"
"Yes I heard everything
As I was in the next room
Your beloved hamster
Was taken to soon"
"Now go to your room and reflect on what you've done
We're angry and ashamed that you've lied to us son"
He sat on my hamster
The thing was far from past it
He sat on my hamster
The dirty rotten bastard
He sat on my hamster
It looked like it had been hit by a freight car
It could have been front page news...
Just like the above picture of Freddie Star
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Comments
I love this Syd!! I agree with Poemahontas that your delivery and content made this such fun to read! Shame about the hamster, but an experience that helped you create this very good, humorous piece! And personally, reminding me that poetry is fun, and not always so serious ☺
Cheers John, yeah I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Poetry can be fun and it does good to have a laugh once in a while. Shame about my hamster but that was 20 years ago. It's nice to write about whatever I want. To be free from constrictions - Syd
No problem Syd, but thank YOU! I've given myself a hard time recently, mainly by taking myself a bit too seriously , we do this because we enjoy it, whether it can be quite hard work at times or not. So a fun reminder like this is always appreciated! ☺
Mate this is great.. bit of comedy an all sorts thrown in there.. mixed poetry at its finest ?
Thanks James, glad you enjoyed. The true stories are always the most absurd lol.
Thanks for reading - Syd
poor little bugger! that hamster didn't have a chance, with a homey so high. t'was not a little bugger's night for romance. lol
you are such a riot....awesome ink
Lol. Glad you enjoyed Lisa. Sitting on hamsters is not funny at all, but at least I paid it homage in this rhyme. This is the only poem I've ever considered deleting. Thanks for reading.
- Syd