Heart Ache

when im around u, i feel so unsure, 
because i dont know what u see when u r looking at me anymore. 
there was a time i felt like the bonnie to ur clyde,
but now i feel forgotton about, and pushed to the side.
i never gave 2nd thought to being down to ride.
or that we'd have this gap between us that is breaking me down inside.
all of my intuitions and suspicions being denied. 
but u dont touch me, so someone is getting the time. 
u want me to trust u, but u dont trust me,
or im right and ur just being sneaky. 
the way that u talk and snap on me lately, 
i miss the i love u's & missing u baby,
i just want to feel like ur proud to have me as ur lady, 
look how fast things went from great to crazy, 
because it didnt take long for ur mind to start straying. 
ive have tried to be there for u in every single way,
i cant help but wonder what i wasnt giving to make u look back her way.
and if u really do miss her like the messages say, 
and if thats the case why string me along like ur just settling for less,
u promised me honesty trust n happiness,
i had given u all of that, 
and u promised ud give it right back,
u swore u were different and u wouldnt hurt me,
that ud treat me like the queen i was always supposed to be,
and now i am always the bad guy and its all my fault,
u barley speak to me, and never answer when i called.
and u couldnt even be there for me when i loss someone close to my heart. 
at a time when i needed u, u were gone, u left me stranded with no cares for my hurt .
but u said what could u have done for me??
maybe been my strength and a shoulder to lean,
u make it look ao easy, 
to keep on hurting me. 
i would never leave u in a time of need. 
nor has the thought of another man ever been a seed,
i thought i had everything, 
i was trying to be everything,
u promised me everything,
and that u werent anything like the others in my past,
well that blew up in my face one big blast,
i thought finally i get to be happy,
i deserve this, its been a long time coming.
i just really wish i could talk to u, 
and that everytime i had a question or an insecurity that i could come to u,
instead of feeling dumb and like a burden. 
just let me know for certain,
flaws and all am i worth it?
are u sure i'm first choice and not last, 
because i refuse to compete with ur past. 
i want to never doubt my place, 
or have to stress because my man needs space,
or he is so consumed with running the street,
that he is not worried about the pain im feeling,
or all the promises that were made.
i feel like if i walked away today u would not even noticed,
but my shoulders would be slumpedp 
as i stand on the edge of bridge, my last thought,   
why cant someone love me enuff to stopme from this jump.
i step off with both feet,
immediatly, gravity is pulling at me.
i just want this pain to leave,
please god free me!!! 
as i feel the water surrounding me,
i feel a sharp yank, and god telling me to breathe...
one day child, someone will love u enuff to make u feel loved.
and when u feel weak, pray for my strength, and ill send it with a hug.
your a great woman and no one can take that from u,
look at all that uve over come, being used and abused.
now go back child,
do something great and make me proud.
feels like im floating on clouds,
the lights are getting brighter and the noice is making my head pound.
i look around searching for the one who could ease my pain, 
im yelling for u, screaming ur name.
i need u so much to always remain,
i cant deal with the fact u made it so easy to walk away. 
i need to know, that no one can compare the love we share today.
i want to be ur wife,  
and i have never felt this way in my life. 
i never felt like i was the marrying type. 
but here u r the man of my dreams, 
i just pray that i am the only woman u see.