Heart crushing

Heart crushing memories 
heart crushing lies 
I barely can write 
as the tears overflow my eyes
pouring out

How do I get this feeling to go?
How do I feel better? 

The feeling will fade for awhile 
than 
it will return 
tugging at me 
harder than before 
tugging at my eyes, my heart & my soul
This feeling is painful 
it makes want to dig myself a hole & stay for the rest of my days

I don't feel like life should feel this way
This tugging pain is binding me 
blinding me 
It just covers the joy I could have & makes me want to hide

The hole I want to dig 
is just to get away 
just to feel a little bit of sanity 

The feeling leaves than comes back pushing me to the edge 
every time it comes back 
it comes back more intense 
more real
Pushing me closer to the edge 
Closer to letting go