Help me

I feel like I’m dying inside.
It’s like I have no way of reaching out to anyone and I just want to hide. 
The weight of what I’m feeling is like my chest is being pressed on by a truck. 
All I want is someone to help me… fuck.
I go through the motions of the day to day. 
But when it comes to venting how I’m feeling I don’t know what to say.
I wish I could get more comfort from my cat.
But there is nothing in this living world that seems to make me smile, and that’s just that. 
Maybe I should hurt myself a little by having another smoke.
I gave up marijuana because it’s not good for my mental health, but sometimes I just wanna toke. 
The only solace I can feel is in the morning when I puff on a vape.
Every waking moment I have feels like psychological rape. 
Someone help me please.
I don’t know how to keep going and the thought of death is like a subtle tease.
Does anyone else feel the same way I feel? 
If anyone could let me know that would be great, otherwise I’m afraid that the next time I eat, it will be my last meal.