Here I sit

If you will, allow me to share with you my truth, my being, my shell...

There is something to be said about spending time just sitting and staring, losing oneself in the inexorable plethora of tangled thoughts crowding a deeply troubled mind, procrastinating over what has been and what is yet to come. Ruminating over unforeseen zemblanities, endeavouring to battle forlorn attempts to escape the lack of hope and despair curtailing any chance of serenity. 

In terms of perspective, and in an attempt not to cloud judgement, it is probably best, at this point, to confess that I am in fact an over thinker, and a very sensitive one at that. However, therein lies the problem, the fundamental compounding factor that could potentially lead to my own self inflicted demise and, let us face it, eventual acquiescent destruction. 

For the trouble, you see, is with the infrastructure of my overly complex perceptual dichotomy of some of the most simple, rudimental exchanges I experience on a day-to-day basis. 

Perhaps you have felt it too, you know, that flagrant intangible sinking feeling, drowning as you fight hellishly against your own moronic demons, suffocating in the silence bestowed upon yourself by your own fear and trepidation. 

What is this impermissible burden I speak of, this overwhelming power encapsulating who I used to be, the rogue thief who stole the credulous smile I once had, and with it, almost my life...

For you see, I must confess that of late, I have not been myself. I have been plagued with a surreptitious debilitating darkness, an unspoken taboo not willingly discussed in the polite company of others who, if we are honest, have most likely had their own dealings with such lachrymose inflicting circumstances.

Defeat will not prevail over the unspeakable depths of misery and despair I have been subjugated to, of that I am sure; somewhere the real me exists in an ephemeral silence, waiting imperturbably for emancipation, waiting to live, rather than just exist, waiting to break free, only it does not know how.

So here I sit and stare, losing myself in the inexorable plethora of tangled thoughts crowding my deeply troubled mind, procrastinating over what has been and what is still yet to come...