High flyer

Most women  live to become a wife
To love and be loved and to fulfil  their life
This is not the road for me
All I feel is trouble and strife

All I want is to live and to be free
To find my direction and to know what to believe
I struggle with this freedom that is mine
I can’t comprehend and I can not leave

See all I have in my life it’s fine
The opportunities I’ve had i really should shine 
Something is holding me and it hurts so much
The way I deal with it is to drink lots of wine 

All I crave is love and touch
Something to hold to have as my crutch
I have never had love and affection
Sometimes I feel I’m asking too much

When I have found love  and a connection
I question this and use deflection
I don’t know why I always push away
I just can’t except any affection

I want someone to love and someone to stay
To see me through the sunny days and also the grey
I don’t blame those around me I understand why
My insecurities and moods make them sway 

I often look at myself and sigh 
I live my life but is it a lie
I pretend I am strong and invincible
When often I go home and I sit and I cry

I know some people might think it’s typical
I live my life somewhat clinical
But this is not what I really desire
I don’t want to live my life so sensible