Hope

My face turned.
Instinctively seeking to find even the tiniest flicker of warmth on my pallid, wan complexion.
Tired eyes desperately searching, unhindered by the glistening whorls and eddies of unshed tears,
wanting only to know with certainty.
My chest thundered.
Stampeding hooves of a thousand wild, tempestuous stallions playing out the furious tempo of my empty, blackened heart.
My skin grew taut.
Undulating as it transformed, becoming an infinite landscape of miniature, snow capped volcanoes.
Each spouting forth a single wispy, silken thread, ethereal hazy smoke, waging it's futile struggle skyward as if to escape the shackles of nature's design.
Every one in uniformed choreography, sentries paying homage to an unseen deity.
My hibernating soul stirred.
Slowly unfurling with such timid caution, fear so intense, so palpable I struggle to draw breath.
A once fattened grizzly, too long asleep, forced into wakefulness by a hunger so overwhelming, so ravenous
that nothing worldly can contain the compelling primal force driving it.
My mind cried out.
Disbelief in my self worth threatening to smother what I instinctively know to be true.
Doubt and cynicism deride me, taunt me, belittle me in their compulsive need to win supremacy of my conscious thought.
A swirling kaleidoscope of contradictions spinning me faster and faster as they mock my insecurity.
My spirit danced.
Then dimmed.
Almost extinguished by the volume of such long borne negativity, so tangible my victor could surely anticipate the sweet taste of my defeat.
My strength.
Long gone. Sapped by the politics of to many pointless squabbles, leaves me teetering over the precipice of acceptance.
Willing to cede the final fragments of my splintered, fragile self respect, to acknowledge I am now as worthless to myself as I am to others.

My face turned.
Instinctively seeking to find even the tiniest flicker of warmth upon my pallid, wan complexion.
Tired eyes growing wide with awestruck wonder as their frantic search bore fruition!
Their quarry a sight of such soul rending beauty that only the hopeless are deemed worthy of receiving this precious, miraculous gift.
Heat flooded my cool, translucent skin as my heart began to quicken.
Blood pulsing new life through my veins like molten lava, greedily devouring all obstacles, intent only on it's end purpose.
It's shimmering iridescence a spectacular display of defiance to those who sought to override it's power through misguided love, stupidity and ignorance.
Sparking deep within their cold hearts, firing vague reminders of past duties, hazy memories of forgotten responsibilities long since washed from the hands of those who professed the deepest affection.
I saw with such lucid clarity that my tears, imprisoned for so long by uncertainty, began at last to flow unchecked.
A tumbling cascade of pain coursing over my flushed cheeks.
Hot, salty tears, swollen with so many disappointments and broken promises.
A frothing, bubbling torrent, free from it's boundaries, violently spewing the poison from my broken soul in a liberating river of spent recriminations.
My heart, so long shrouded in hurt and darkness, thrums with eager longing as passion, laughter, love, empathy, understanding and forgiveness come flooding back in a breathtaking tsunami of emotions.
My mind, all thoughts of malice erased in a millisecond of time, now open, ready, anticipating a new beginning and willing to explore whatever the future has ordained for me.
My soul is truly cleansed, no longer shackled by torment or hatred.
I am calm, at peace after an eternity wandering the desolate battleground of my integrity.
As I turned, I felt warmth upon my pallid, wan complexion.
I saw, almost indiscernible at first, a golden beacon of light steadily growing stronger, brighter with each step of my acceptance and belief in my true worth, a shining star in the bleakness to help me shed the mantle of helplessness weighing me down.
I saw hope.