HOW?

How do you explain the voices in your head when they hold your tongue with such a grip that you choke on the exclamation mark before you even manage to pronounce the first letter?

How do you tell the man you love that you will never love him wholly for the sense of resentment is so much stronger than your love, because love makes you vulnerable and whilst this love strengthens him; he has become your weakness?

How do you become a writer when there are so many words coursing through your veins that your hands shake at the speed in which they travel; vanishing as quickly as they had formed?

How do you find the strength to get out of bed when the duvet feels so heavy you can’t even breathe under its weight?

How do you find peace in yourself when there is so much beauty in the world but you can’t see it, won’t see it, for it is too painful a reminder that you cannot compare?

How do you see straight, see clearly, when your eyes are so sore from all the acidic tears you can’t stop from gushing like a broken faucet?

How do you stop these thoughts from bouncing off the walls of your skull when even the silence screams so loud?

How do you make friends when you’re so certain everyone is the enemy in this war of head vs heart?

How do you see a future when you can’t out-live your past?

How do you sleep when the darkness frightens you  but the light hurts your eyes and you don’t want to be alone but aren’t comfortable in another’s company?

How do you make people understand a world of hurt and pain that does not exist?

How do you heal the wounds that never surface?

How do you escape when you’re running from your own shadow, from your own thoughts, from your own reflection; from yourself?

How do you work out what’s real or fake, true or false, past and present; when all these thoughts and feelings feel so raw and relevant and current?

How do you believe anything is ever going to get better when the ones who tell you “it’s going to be alright” are the ones who have done you the worst?

How?   How?   HOW?