How does one perceive what they don’t know?
How do we come to know what we take for granted?
I don’t pretend to understand it all, I know I don’t.
I wish I could see everything all laid out. Maybe then I would gain some clarity.
It’s so hard to see through the fog.
I wish it would clear but it’s so persistent.
Obscurity. I’m left in obscurity.
Unable to translate my social interactions, I leave the scene.
I escape to what remains of a lonely existence.
But it’s not all doomed. There is comfort in solidarity.
I find it hard to connect at times. It’s like some of the equipment isn’t there.
The cords have been frayed and burnt at the ends. Dismantled from their sockets
Like I was. Dismantled. Pulled apart by aching thoughts and yearning feelings of wanting to be understood by those least and most similar simultaneously.
I feel for those who know their worth and their direction yet I long to be them.
I crave the intimacy of a close-knit identity.
I know sometimes I have it, or that it at least appears that way.
I promise you sometimes I don’t.
I wish I held all the answer to your questions.
I wish I knew what would happen next.
There’s a child within me that catches people’s identities then makes them hers.
I wish I could just know for sure, who I am supposed to be.
Uncertain. Maybe, maybe that’s just who I’m supposed to be.
I don’t even know how to be her. Tell me, with certainty, tell me…how to be.