The Hurt

Many people don’t see the hurt and the pain that he left me in.

I thought I would be able to face the fact that he has left me for someone else once again.

He would get mad when I wouldn’t give him what he wanted most.

I wasn’t ready to just give in and end up having a kid at 17.

I didn’t want to rush things but he did because he was ready to settle down and I wasn’t.

I was only a junior in high school and I wanted to finish school before I would have to settle down with someone and for sure wasn’t ready to have a kid.

Did I make the right decision to tell him that I wasn’t ready?

If I would of lied to him, would he still be with me?

Would he still be my boyfriend if I let him run me like his sex slave?

I still love him with all of my heart but when it comes to him, I don’t think that there will ever be an us again.

I really do want him back but I have found someone thats not going to hurt me like he has.

I thought something like him would never come into my life.

I was completely wrong.

He did more damage that I thought he would ever do to me.

When he told me that he loved me, I would just melt and say it back because I honestly did.

Now that he talks to me as just friends, he wants to be fwb (friends with benefits) but thats not what I want.

Is that all he ever wanted?

Is that how he wanted me to feel?

Hurt? Sad? Confused? Am I stupid? Am I worth it?

If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be the strong young lady that I am today.

After he left me for someone else again, it made me feel like I was just wasting my time and that no one wanted me.

Did he really love me like he said he did?

All I can ask now is, what if I could go back in time to change things, would everything be different? OR what happened to me?

Did he really want me like he said he did?

Did he actually love me or was he just saying it to make me feel wanted and loved?

Didn’t you want to stay or did you just want to leave me like before?

I have all these questions in my head to ask you but when do you have time to listen to me?

When do you have time to actually talk to me?

When do you have time to see me like you promised?

We use to talk about being together and starting a family, what happened to that?

What can I do to fix it?

What can I do to get you back?

What can I change to make you come back?

Tell me what I have to do.

I know that I hid stuff from you but the only reason why I did is because I was scared that I was going to lose you.

I lost you anyways when you even told me that you weren’t gonna lose me again because of how much you loved me.

What if?