I Am Writing A Novel

I Am Writing A Novel 

I started writing a novel
Thought for the 14th time it be a novel idea!
Poured myself and a glass of wine into pages of daydreams and fodder
I rearrange the plots...
And rage inside...
Crazy with writer’s block...
sometimes 
Grind...
Fall asleep before I’m even started
Or I’m 7 pages in without a plot
And drop this start for another novel idea
It would appear, beautiful people, that my mind is racing with more ideas than I can type with great accuracy of punctuation all the time and I’m not afraid to admit I write fantastically but not spell
- the same ???
And when I sleep sometimes I wake with greater ideas..,
Calling my name and saying “hey you can put me hear!”
For years a conundrum 
A great escape 
and love and tugs on my inner conscious
Could this be
More than the American dream
Dreaming in America!
Seems to me 
Could be a dream come true if I could just type for you
my thoughts in 20 essays of double spaced paragraphs 
If I could type through
The days I don’t drink ( I hardly drink now anyway and it’s not quite the same)
Hardly sleep 
Mad about what transpired yesterday 
On the brink
Or worried if anyone will buy this anyway?      
Of course they will
Won’t they?
I weigh what I think you think I am against what I know I think you are and I still don’t know what sells but I’m compelled 
To write
Despite any insecurities
And hope you all like it
It might just be
That you love it
And I admit I sometimes want your validation
-Much more than your approval ???
It is a labor of love
And revolution 
And an exorcism 
And an intrusion 
On your boredom I hope
A dildo of verbs nouns and illustrations (and names like Ba, Wei, Franco and Ray)
A coping mechanism 
It is not an exaggeration to say I am proud of each and every one of these expressions of summations and honestly exasperations
On the page

KD~