I can't forgive you as I should have known you better

May your heart be happy.

Mine is not

Are you satisfied with your heart in death?

My satisfaction was when we played 'pounder'(1) together 

How did I not know you? 

We were the same as could be.

Years apart, yet we have all the same qualities sober and not.

The brown/hazel eyes

Long flowing hair

Same defects as kids and rapes from Fathers 

One thing for certain was I should have taken the clues and added them up.

You are not the first, nor were you the last. 

I can't forgive my pain for another to hold onto just so they can feel they should have known this was inevitable

How do we see these were here only in our pain and death. 

How can I forgive you in death when I should have known? 

I should have seen the last day there. 

I was there

My tears dry from crying too much on my birthday. Too much on my brothers birthday.

We should have seen the light, but chose neglect of a baby over our own kid took over too far.

That child has no mother

Taken away from not simple depression but

Rape, from a father

Stalking of a father, imagery that can not be taken away from the soul. 

From the brain

From the internal childhood she could not get rid of.

What I thought I should have known was never hidden.

It was buried deep in my heart and soul. So deep I can't forgive my heart for letting her pass over pain.

Pain so deep, so violating, that as a baby I could block it. As a teen shee could not. She was the best she could of been.

The best of the best, made me the worst of the worst in me. For that I must not stray. As I still can only say " I can NOT forgive you yet and I should have seen rather than dove right in to ignoring the signs that you needed me rather than ignore what you needed me for."

Referance 1- pounder what my sister called a special stuffed dog from pound puppies on my birthday.