i have....

forgiven without apologises being spoken
remember things i have not seen yet
forgotten men whom once loved me
cried so hard no sound came anymore
tore my clothes off onto the floor
cut my skin to let the blood flow
counted sheep on sleepless nights
watched the man i love loving another
painted beauty with my salty tears
scribbled words of beauty with screams
told jokes and heard laughter with deaf ears
tasted anothers lips yet imagined another
drank poison to forget all that is beautiful
listened to beautiful voices and heard nothing
touched by men without want in my heart

so tell me my love? have i died….