Poem -

I Love You

*Trigger Warning* Abuse

I Love You

Do it again I say stop
Do it twice I say nothing
You were supposed to be someone I could trust
You say it's good for me
Are bruises and emotional scars good for me
You say you love me but how do I know it's true
You love me except when I make a mistake
You love me except when I get a bad grade
You love me except...
Except nothing.
I believe I can't say I love you without lying
If someone says I love you is that really true
You say you love the rain 
but when it rains you have an umbrella 
You say you love the sun 
But when it's sunny you sit in the shade
That's why I'm so afraid when you say you love me
You say I'm doing this for you
All for me
I never asked for this
Never
Nobody would ask for this
How could you do this
You take the trust of a child
A break it without thinking twice about it 
And after, after you say you're glad you did it
It will make me more discipline  
And yet you can still say I love you
However, I'm afraid I can't say it back
Love can't coexist with abuse
You can say it hurts me more than it hurts you
But it doesn't
It never did, did it
You lie to my face as a child 
But tell me to never lie 
And gives me consequences when I do
The worst part you lied for no reason
Maybe you thought I could still love you after everything
But I hate you anyways
God said to love your neighbours as you love yourself 
But because of you, I'm not sure if I can love myself
How does one love themselves 
They don't  just start
As a child, it mostly depends on how others act towards you
As a child, I gave care and affection no matter what
No matter what
However, I am no child now I have a voice 
But even now no one can hear it even if I yell, scream 
I'm just a silly child doing for attention 
Do I act like a child
Flinching whenever someone shouts 
Subconsciously thinking about what's about to come next
All of this is because of you
Yet you still manage to say I love you
I love you, you say
That's why I named you princess 
Trust me I'm no princess
All I have is a crown of thorns
Outside a castle of fire 
A dress of bruises
But you still love me
In fact, you made it all yourself 
Just because you love me
However, how can I say it back when you do this
I love you sounds like sand in my mouth
But you can say it
You say I love you
I love you
-A Thirteen-Year-Old Girl

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Comments

author
Jade Perreault

Very deep, and really heart breaking. Yet painfully true....

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author
Being Me

Oh, Joella... This is so sad! You have expressed a great range of emotion through these words. You have asked the right questions, yet the answers remain sadly elusive x

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