I should've died so many times

Blackness engulfed me many years
ago
The impact it would have on my life
I would never have known
It swarmed me like bees, imbedded
itself inside my naïve heart and grew
like fungus
At the time, I knew nothing else
At the time, the feeling it gave me
was wondrous
I didn’t know where this darkness came
From
but it showed me such greatness, made me
A person I wanted to be and showed me the
best of fun
The darkness would whisper promises of
wealth
Promises of unconditional love
Promises of prosperity and health
I had fallen and you weren’t there
When I cried out your name you
had disappeared
When I was completely lost, hurting,
and felt forgotten
This darkness laughed
Fed off my pain, my confusion, said I was
unbidden
It was then I felt a rush of love wash over
me like a summer breeze
This feeling felt different
It felt of warmth like a wool blanket
covering me slowly
As I wiped my tears dry, I heard faint whispers
It spoke of mercy, forgiveness, and protection
These promises were spoken so long ago
Do I dare believe? Hence rejection
These promises had a different caress than
before
Instantly I felt mercy
Instantly I felt forgiven
Instantly I felt loved
This was promises of more
The need was so strong to get
on my knees and shout, “thank you!”
so, I did and I cried tears of joy as my
heart grew
 
I feel a piece of serenity I’ve never felt
before
Craving to claim even more
 
I should have died so many times
A higher power was watching over me-keeping
me close
The darkness will never have me again for I am
now walking in the valley of meadows