I TRIED

He left me again
Though he knew I was in such pain
He’s confirmed all my fears
As I drowned in my tears
A cut to my throat
Trying to sink but I float
As if by torture I survive
Why am I alive?
I can’t describe
What hell I’m in
There must be huge words
But they come out so thin
What I say doesn’t come near
To how I’m feeling right now
There must be an answer
But to find it how?
I’m not a chancer
I can’t take a risk
My life is in a mixing bowl
And stirring is a rusty whisk
Deep down in this hole
Where I just fit
It’s as black as coal
It’s damp where I sit
No one hears my screams
Nightmares replace dreams
I just ask why
As I try to see the sky
But earth falls on top of me
Suffocating
As if being buried alive
Excruciating
God knows I’ve tried
Exhausted by hurt
I sleep with the dirt