I Want, But I Can Never Be

Of course I want to be skinny
but I’m not
and I can never be.
Instead of being comfortable
and confident
I’m weighed down
by the sinker
that is in my stomach.
Of course I want to be thin
but I’m not
and I can never be.
I don’t know why
that I’m obsessed.
But the weight, it hurts
the weight in my chest
the regret
But I just want to feel beautiful
but I’m not
and I can never be
Instead, everytime I feel
the compulsion
the guilt
dragging me down
into an inevitable spiral
where I can no longer see myself.
The bright side is
if I cannot see myself
maybe
just maybe
no one else can either.