I wish

I wish i had that friend who would call me 24/7
i wish i had that friend who would make me laugh wherever im feeling low
 i wish i had that friend that would always be there for me no matter what
 but i have noone like that...
Im one of those loners in school always spending  breaks in lesson alone
 Im the one who people avoid a converstation with
Im the one whose known as the loner
Im the one who feels hated and judged
Im the one who predends everything is ok but really it feels like world war 3 has begun in my head
Im the one with depression and anxiety and its killing me inside slowly yet deadly which i cant do anything about
I'll always be that loner in school who pretends they are ok but really there's a million and one thoughts cramped in one which feels like hell and any minute it can burst
It feels like im in a bubble which is impossible to burst
But i am who i am and i cant change it
No-one understands me and what im going through
For them its like im asking for attention but really its my cry for help...
I have no friends
Well i did but they left me the minute they found out about my feels
Where they good friends i dont know
It feels like they used me for their own good when i needed help they left me to cry
I dont want it to affect my social life but it has slowly....
I dont talk to anyone
When i do its only a simple  answer
Its taken over me day by day eating me alive
I cant do anything about it
I cant cope anymore
Why am i the only one feeling this way 
I want to be happy again but no i cant its not possible
It can't be found in my dictionary of negativity
You will never understand the hell i feel inside  my head
You will never know truly how i feel until you sit me down at gun point
When you ask me am i ok and i say yes
Thats a lie really my adrenalin goes wild when i get asked that question
Its hard for me to say no im not ok
I dont like explaining to people how i feel
That's just who i am
I cant change who i am that's how it is
I wish i could but its impossible