My Guardian Angel

I can feel myself 

starting to dissociate

Isolate .... 

My fear and the truth hitting me 

like a freight train... 

I'm losing my mother 

& soon she'll be the guardian angel that I gain.. 

this is too much for my heart.. 

this is too much for my brain... 

This kind of situation is tearing me apart.

I will for the rest of my life 

Shed these tears silently 

Every single day & night

For they are the things

I just couldn't find the 

Words to say out loud

I'm going to disappear 

I no longer want to be 

Part of the crowd 

I took too much time

And never used it

Never paid it back

Or paid it forward

Just borrowed..

Now there's no time left

And I feel like I have

Committed a theft 

I'll forever cherish you 

Like a diamond 

in the rough

That's the best I can do

Or begin to try and suggest 

You don't have to fight 

Anymore, Mom

The battle is almost over

You can finally

Relax, and get some rest

I'm going to be strong 

At least I'm going to 

Try my hardest,

At least I'm going to 

do my best

I feel like I am going 

To slip up and fumble

But I won't 

It's just fear, & grief 

I'm starting to become

More observing, 

More humble

I can't fall back now

I can't afford to tumble 

Losing you, forever

My life's starting 

to crumble 

Dismantle...

Becoming scrambled..

I will be okay 

I will be fine

As I know 

You'll be waiting

For me at the end of the

Tunnel that

I helped guide you through 

to reach your light

So please be there for me

And take my hand

When I'm at the end

Of my tunnel

And I too, won't have

To anymore, fight 

This is not goodbye

This is see you later

See you on the other side

I'll be looking for you

As I face the world alone

Going through the waves

Of emotions, grief 

And the rollercoaster tides

One day in the future 

I know that you

My mother, 

Will be walking again

By my side

Until then, I'll say it again 

I'm losing you Mom

But one day soon,

You'll be the guardian angel 

That I forever gain.

 

S.A.D.

10/29/2025

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