Idled hands

Idled hands of a sleepless soul entice the darkness into focus...
Deep sleep intertwines with  restless haunting revisiting days passed remaining my forever present...
 Hazy memories clearly imaged
acquaintance themselves to thoughts that are not or are no longer mine...
Uncertainty attaches sanity to the detachment untidily felt for all the familiar strangered faces I am unable to nightly name...
Relentlusly Retracing steps unable to be tracked leave heavily footed pathways leading straight back to me...
CONSTANT...DEAFENING... SILENCE... ENCROACHES UPON THE NOISE INSIDE MY HEAD MUFFLED DERAILED TRAIN WAY OFF ITS TRACK...
I cannot think here....
Lost I don't know where I am...
What the hell was i thinking  reality QUICKLY FLOATS me  upwards rising me to the tippy top of bottomless pitted sinking sands slowly crushing me downward...
Spiraling I dare not move one last deep draw of breath and I am under...
Beneath my blankets shivering i awake soaked by the heat of the night to idled hands that tremble
Smoothing back dampened hair i gather my self moving forward...
Pondering events that never happened...
Expecting EXPECTATIONS for unexpected recollections I can't recall but will not ever f#cking forget remain my only companions
I keep them selfishly tucked away lost so i can never lose them... 
A tormentor for my enduring soul accompanied only to my lonely dashly presented in all its troubled always sorrowed glory...
ALARMS BEGIN TO SOUND  STARTLING ME INTO MY EVERYDAY routinely chaos... Rehearsed in silence plastered together with dimly light doey eyes while cracking lip part ways flashing missing teeths unevenly toothy grin ..
Daily debates are starting to stir what's for breakfast was it chicken first how could it be there had to be an egg...
Newly revised inpuzzlement Question. which one of us is real...
am i alive are you a ghost is this the spirit realm...
Provoking redemption For answer to question.

To unseen but felt angel's both the fallon and those sent to hedge....
Well Am in hell...
awaiting hell...have i gone blind to pearly judging gates...
does time exist am i dream do any of us really even exist... 

No longer concerned about not really knowing ...IM secretly leaning towards accepting fact im I AM NO LONGER ALIVE...
Faithfully blind .. .
To stubborn for submission i Ignore demonic forces unafraid...
Apparitions I'm able to a abscure from my mind but not out of my peripheral vision.
KIDS WAKE UP RISE AND SHINE TIME FOR SCHOOL...
GOOD MORNINGS MAKE FOR GREAT DAYS AND RELAXING NIGHTS...
MOMMY LOVES YOU...
While secretly fighting Spiritual wars and handling demonds from within losing the slightest bit of faith will never be counted as my sin....