Idled hands

Idled hands of a sleepless soul entice the darkness into focus...
Deep sleep intertwines with  restless revisitings haunted by days of past remaining my forever present...
Hazy memories clearly imaged
acquaintance themselves to thoughts that are not or are no longer mine...
Uncertainty attaches sanity to the detachment untidily felt for all the familiar strangered faces I am unable to nightly name...
Relentlessly Retracing untrackable traced steps leave heavily footed pathways leading straight back to me...
CONSTANT...DEAFENING... SILENCE... ENCROACHES UPON THE NOISE INSIDE MY HEAD MUFFLED DERAILED TRAIN WAY OFF ITS TRACK...
I cannot think here....
Lost I don't know where I am...
Reality QUICKLY FLOATS me  upwards rising me to the tippy top of bottomless pitted sinking sands slowly crushing me downward...
Spiraling I dare not move..one last deep draw of breath and I am under...
Beneath my blankets shivering i awake soaked by the heat of the night to idled hands that tremble
Smoothing back dampened hair i gather my self moving forward...
Unforgetably recalling events of can't quite remember urgently tug at me..slipping details to memories never made are almost certain.. beginning to fade they will never f#cking be  forgotten..I keep them selfishly tucked away.. lost so i can never lose them... 
More disconnect connecting the tormentor to my enduring soul.. accompanied only to my lonely..I search alone by grace...
Grasping at idled hands no longer gripping..I still hold tight to faith knowing peace is found in knowing peace will come as I insanely search for sanity...