Ifs, buts and whys?

(This one isn’t about coronavirus but written during this time as we all have more time to reflect on our lives)

21/06/2020
If, buts and whys...

I was thinking,
Just.. the other day....
Got lost in my thoughts,
As clearly I tried to concentrate.
I’ve said it many times before,
But for me,
My joker card,
Is in my whole lifetime store...
If I hadn’t of tried,
To make my mum and dad,
So proud at sweet 16,
I went to sixth form,
And lasted 3 months,
For getting angry and using profanities.
Although It was the fault of the headmaster you see. 
I wanted to drop 1 subject from 4,
When others were dropping up to 3!
I just felt ,
I was being treated,
As always,
Unfairly!
To me, 
This was a pivotal turning point,
 in the direction of my life for thee.
As I wanted to be a world class chef,
So off to city college I went.
Those 2 years were painful to say the least.
As i started at 17,
A year ahead,
 of everyone else.
I passed the first year with flying colours,
And a mind more filled,
 with recipes of wealth,
little did I know,
That my body was in disrepair,
And struggling for health....
It was then, at 17,
My 1st tumour was removed.
From the bottom of my foot,
But apparently no cancer,
Just a growth of inner tissue.
When I started back,
To finish my NVQ,
I was in a great deal of pain,
Half my standing up lessons,
Spent sat on a stall,
With little learning,
My certificate,
I still completed it all.
But for the last 6 months,
I had to work in a hotel and only one day out at college,
As from my course,
Through my unseen cancer,
They almost thru!
Luckily they didn’t,
As I passed with flying colours too.
Was gutted though,
As this meant I couldn’t carry on and do my next NVQ!
Luckily I didn’t,
As for 15 months,
From September 2004,
Off to America,
 the rest of the class flew.
I was left to struggle and to find another job,
Which I managed to land a job with the best chef in Ipswich.
Shame he was also a drunkard too.
As Peaky was great,
One hell of a man. 
He taught me more than college ever did,
He even left me in charge of his kitchen he ran.
But then alas,
At just 19,
My world was blown in to shatters,
Into smithereens.
6 months after finishing college,
I was told I wouldn’t live past the age of 19!
So chemo and radiotherapy came,
It didnt help at all,
Just made me in more pain.
But if I’d have gone to america,
I would have died there,
As I wouldn’t have known,
Cancer was the cause for all of my suffering and my life to drain.
So I’m now thankful to my college,
For not letting me get on that plane.
It was playing with me still then,
My joker card life game!