I'll Catch Up To You

I'll always remember the day you died. 
Then again, that's a lie. I couldn't even tell you if it were a Monday or a Saturday. 
Could've been a Thursday. 
I just about know the date of that day. 
Because all I can remember is how the grief that had been lying dormant inside of me finally erupted
And clawed at every part of me until it achieved it's ultimate destruction. 
Until it broke me.

In my head, I ran through the hospital to get to you. 
The labyrinth of corridors, elevators, happy families at one dead end and robots dressed in scrubs at another. 
In reality, I walked. 
I knew where you were. 
I'd been going every week for 7 months. 
I should've gone every day.
I'm sorry I didn't.

So I walked. 
Down the long corridor to you at the end...It seemed to stretch on for miles. 
The looks of pity and sadness.
I didn't want that. 
There was only one thing I needed. 
You. 
Alive. 
But that was the reason I was there.

Because it had happened. 
Death had waited in the wings until everyone left. Until you were ready. Until I had gone home for it to happen. 
Then you left. 
And I don't know how but I knew. 
Almost like my heart switched off. 
Ironic, because that's exactly what you did. 

So there I was, 
Running, walking, who knew what I was doing, to your bed. 
And I saw you. And I dropped. 
My heart dropped. My breaths dropped. I sank to the floor as my limbs finally dropped. 
We all knew it was coming. 
But that doesn't make it better. 

There you were. Lying there like you had been for over half a year. 
But the jokes and smiles had ceased. 
You were lifeless. 
And on came the tears and grief. 

I regret not spending every day with you. 
I wish I had. 
But my opportunity will come again. 
I'll see you in the future. 
I'll run down that corridor and reach your bed where you'll be sitting, waiting for me and smiling. 

And I'll be with you once again. 
My Grandad. 
My World. 
My Happiness. 
I'll be whole. 

So just keep waiting and I'll keep running. 
And one day, 
I'll catch up to you.