Poem - 31 May 2013, 21:58

I'm staying home today

Outside my bedroom window sit two deserted planters pots,
one empty box from amazon, and two survivors,
a pair of Bronx pigeons
who I have affectionately named Ruben and Rosetta.
It's funny, the one thing that I want so badly
is unattainable and yet,
almost a given to every person that I know.
Wrapped inside my convoluted perception
of what it is to be a good
citizen, neighbor and friend I wait in silence,
completely numb from the waste down,
afraid to make the first move.
Will I ever secure my spot?
Metaphoric exposed wounds lay unattended,
infected and raw,
oozing pain from a whole different drug induced
intoxication of a self loathing cry baby.
But why?
I am truly my own worst enemy yes it's true.
The grass is most defiantly greener on
the other side of the fence from where I sit daily.
Perched on the 3rd floor,
in a dilapidated rat invested apartment complex
in the East Bronx.
I can taste stale foreboding regret on my breath.
But I wanted to move back to NY, Oh yeah!
I am so fucking complacent it is beyond comical!
On my own since 12, I've made such a mess of my life.
Wasted talent, that's what I hear on a constant.
"If I had a pinch of your talent Maureen
I would be a millionaire!"
GO FUCK YOURSELF!!
You ain't me assholes!!
Deep inside I know that they are right...
Two houses to homeless!! Come again? What? WTF!!!
Dying inside I struggle to stay alive in theory
but slowly and most certainly,
the inevitable will prevail.
Rosetta and Ruben wait for me to feed them
left over bread or pastries.
My little gangsta friends.
"Clinkers" we call em out this way.
I smile as I watch them feast...
Another day comes to an end
and I have accomplish nothing,
again...