With gall gainful employment quest half heartedly sought...

despite me chronological age being one naught naught
as an impractical joker
to da liver me from being dirt poor,
especially when bitterly cold draught
howls and rattles mine lovely bones
despite a lifetime
weathering supercalifragilisticexpialidocious genes
that no amount of money could buy nor bought.

The following epistemological foray
yielded the Mattspeak gibberish,
set in Times New Roman
as twelve font before your eyes
the net result knowledge acquired to date
and subsumed within
at original instance of writing
sixty plus shades of gray
living and practicing
being interpersonally social
cause for me
(once upon a time
as an extremely introverted lad,
and essentially totally withdrawn),
thus now being extroverted
self congratulatory cause for hip... hip...
hip... replacement surgery hooray
immediately afterwards prancing
and dancing around with the stars
ignoring egregious bupkis
issuing out the mouths of those
from the rat pack set who inveigh
against this boyish looking centenarian
still spry enough to skip up the jetway
prior to thugs nearly
beating the sh*t out of me
(as an uppity person of color) courtesy the KKK,
who now know better not to tangle
with the likes of me adroit enough
to knock every bully
hankering to start a melee.

No quest chin, I defy conformity and thwart
hat field bald apropos abilities
with scads of literary antics to best
buy thee interest whoever doth reed
and vet suitable candidates, and community chest
o' mine heaves with anticipation wonder,
ring how purveyor donning figurative Crampons,
(that trumpet each dicey icy echo wing
step of mein kampf) rivals Everest
to scale (albeit without rich hard gear equipment
'cept a perceptive noggin)
egg shaped permanent neck listed guest
as company to share lite snack or drink,
what suits yar harvest,
and course interjections
of good humor, cuz wittiness and jest
kin download a lightness
of being, and gentle byte size
comical banter an electronic
binary boffo, buffoonery bytes lest
head honcho all business evident
by desk pinterest ting nest
ill suited for spontaneity streaming
one-liners, that could be a pest
ambition of him/her aiming
to game dialogue nabbing quest
of productive money in side pocket,
where prestidigitation trick
up sleeve also rest
viz electron nick kewl back aid
AC/DC jumper linkedin acid test
and...well no animals harmed
in writing courtesy baby boomer wise guy
of persiflage noir lived
(as a self hired spy for espionage
approximately dirty dozen miles
didst indeed drive dirt cheap
regarding inception of these words)
coon sitter ably west
of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,
would (if some fluke offered
this worm men eye sir ha job) exclaim
ming (while astride his high Trojan Horse),
a muffled, mumbled, and muted zest.

He be dashing off (riding
in a white horse open sleigh)
driven by a Quisp and Quake
eating pop slop served
courtesy ancestor ova Decembrist
quite horridly and harried styled,
and swiftly tailored Russian revolutionary,
who in December 1825 - got pissed
flew led zeppelin
(with limited posse sub billet tee),
an unsuccessful revolt
against Tsar Nicholas I
grabbing his righteous left wrist,
whence leaders (including
this nebulous genealogical firecracker)
executed, and later regarded as martyrs by the Left.

Pixar could nada pay enough
for this trainer of apple chomping antz
so I wonder if any chance
hello kitty whisker of employment
thru contrived virtual toy story
qua ratatouille poetic brew
could materialize into likely chance
such an idea generates me
to shrek out with excitement
and doo wop ping
hip-hop improvisational thespian dance
just in case a glimmer of some prospect exists
for this self anointed bard who dislikes formality
presents posse sub billet tee say technical skills,
which I hope to enhance,
hence this chap offers following poetic expression,
nada common and did not german ate in France
to take a glance
so help this intuitive Homo sapiens
overcoming Bing a deep pull lore able
bass kit case to enhance
sharp pen mental acuity like lance,
which byte size bit torrent humor
might cause ye to soil pants
misinterpreting mishmash as raves and rants
even part time income would buoy
ma Petsmart gull livers travelers sans positive stance
with subtle intent to place me as worth hiring,
to sway au currant series electronic charge
ideally affect hypnotic trance
in effort for consideration to ad-vance.

I betcha never read a pseudo cover letter reply
like iambic pentameter electronic wire
from boyish looking blood muggle father up in years,
(whose nonpareil courage
to face Voldemort never does tire)
and two grown doll ling daughters,
would consider him worthy hire
less so to rake in gobs of money,
but satiate nearly unquenchable hunger and thirst
for bits of computer fields, and pad family big bird nest
while watering stream of consciousness babbling
brook - bass adder know how to acquire.

This faux cover letter of sorts conveys itty bitty
raw bits minuscule Orbitz size actual work experience
(from this papa who lived
northwest of Philadelphia city,
when these keystrokes
initially impressed alphanumeric characters)
nonetheless, I hanker
(NOT to be confused with HACKER -
divergent words differ by juiced
one letter prompts following ditty)
computer troubleshooting
(and making) abilities of mine
thine appetite to comprehend,
aye ascribe BuzzFeed ding nitty gritty
nebulous on par with secret life of Walter Mitty,
whom destiny protected and took pity
merely meant to be silly
boot hoop fully entertaining
as a gig from the late Conway Twitty,
yet also attempt to be witty.

No matter how many miles by car
(actually your company might be
within dead man walking distance),
this opportunity would be considered nod da to far
hoop ping responding
in rhyme considered creatively healthy
though garbled endeavor to explicate
duly cause for overlooking role
to enter inside open sesame a jar
communicate modest casual fashion trying knot to mar
ma duke king chances dressing
dishabille prove hike kin use acumen
interest, language skills and technologically spar
using graphical user interface programs
to get unstuck from virtual feathery tar.

Iambic pentameter doth not constitute traditional
standard genre for a debtor
I see no reason with rhyme
why non-conformist modus operandi
cannot serve mode to communicate pursuit
as computer repair technician and letterman go getter,
which honest to goodness confession
hopefully affects against
other respondents at least a bit better.

This pure breed mud half blood muggle prince
bona fide seeker for challenging income
does reckon following poetic way
not necessarily follows formalities
to reply as most would readily say,
yet why adhere to conformity,
whereby paradigm frowns on creative er ray
which atypical modus operandi
to reply positive job I pray
even if outcome offering interest turns out to be nay
perhaps because mien hometown
since these words written
about tree doze zen
leafy miles northWest
of Philadelphia frito band eat toe lay.

LivingSocial within southeastern
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania
the general domain since birth
resume may (quite slim
as jail grub gruel) may show dearth
yet hie decided to resort with verse a tile tactic
induce sing byte size mirth
of requisite (sought after) technical expertise,
I do possess the attributes well worth.

If you might allow me to boast
blithely use iambic pentameter to coast
maybe opportunity to eradicate
re: exorcise binary elusive ghost
offer bytes of helpful information from pc host
with brio and confidence, I respond to post.

So...without further ado I will slightly brag
to tell ability conduct ding understand DOS
no longer necessary
to abort, cancel, and restart
mission to program one's way thru virtual crag
manage common passé system utilities
(back in the day,
when technology cradled
analogous to baby during their infancy)
such as scan disk and defrag
installed, resolved dsl issues, performed
scan-disk and troubleshooting glitches
viz yule eyes basic
removal of DOS files, installation
and/or removal of hardware
likewise uninstalling software, running registry sweeps
in an attempt to remove bugs and errors
cause zing machine to cough and gag,
which invariably abends processes as downloading,
sending, uploading, et cetera to lag
gently goading an overloaded old nag,
who if an aged horse versus actual human,
would warrant sweat wicked off brow with rag
and if chance smiles on further consideration
like happy pup his/her tail will wag.

Oh...and by the way
(gnome hatter a no...no and taboo topic de jure),
I would accept a starting
and/or negotiable salary as starting wage
in an effort to support self proclaimed sage,
whose role can double up as court jester, joker, or page
hopeful poetic synopsis offers favorable gauge
in tandem enriching fount
of knowledge (initially
courtesy COMPAQ PRESARIO)
as revolutionary in 1999 as yours truly
more valuable than fine spun gold at advanced age.

Y'all might think this reply balderdash and rot
which may matter bo diddly squat
no matter I herald from royalty with salient strengths
as being a prestigious scott
butta ma sta harris
does not smoke booze,
nor drink from a chamber pot
and student of establishment he is not
one to boast about knick knack
paddy whack…to craft a bon mot,
yet moxie by maxima proxy this poet doth got
might elicit salient characteristics similar to a humanoid bot
and, oh by the way,
I lived in montgomery county, Pennsylvania
some year’s quite a-lot.
Good day from: harmless, hapless, handless mad man Matthew Harris.

As subtle obvious from the above burst
this non quit ting chap doth tick and cursed
with avidity, cupidity, electricity durst
to flout conformity, and will when a Hearst
coffin dost bear me away,
lest cremation mine ashes get dis pursed
aspiring to wax poetic fur better or wurst.

In Love With Words

Carte blanche,
this scrivener bandies, exercises,
and indulges inexplicable gravitas
drooling, extolling, and fielding greatness,
frothing handily, indubitably jinxed,
linkedin as some lingual philanderer,
which oral intercourse,
this sensate being suckles figuratively das bosom
sans mother tongue i.e. english language
unbeknownst to this cobbler,
dabbler and fiddler (on the roof) with rhetoric,
why those twenty six letters constituting
sole lingua franca known to him,
admittedly beheld captivate, fascinated,
genuflecting, high handedly
inflated educated cerebral cortex
aflame with fiery passion
asper language affianced to himself,
liberal minded radiant, redolent and rudimentary scribe,
who would book chartered flight per voluminous Goddess
to the ends of the Earth demonstrating,
hallucinating and punctuating affinity,
cupidity energetically gravitating ingratiation
knowingly manumission only pleases queen rhetoric,
she thrives unequivocally
viz usually warbling xeroxed yapping
zestfully, amorously and beatifically,
charming dame, entrances fixation, germinating hypnosis,
idyllically juicing kinetic love
mister nonestablishmentarian obliquely producing
quintessential rhapsodies, sonnets, rhyme less threnody
uber veneration towards prosaic radiant, redolent romantic
in tryst ting worthily winsome weaver
doth frigate gently heaves illustrious, joyous, kindness
livingsocial, merrily opportunistically profligate
overlooking many averse trait
viz zit ting this absolute zero
nasty and short brute, cheating discrete envoy,
fantasizing glorious hedonistic insurmountable jazzed ken,
when, even as a haploid male or female germ cell
able to unite with another of the opposite sex
engendered genetically inherent kickstarter mature oldster
quacking sociological product tete a tete paramour the prose
Dot com follower tis reason aye wrote this poem.