In Theory

Theoretically, I know how to do better

I've read umpteen innumerable books and blogs and followed enlightening video logs

On psych and self care,
steps to success, and holistic welfare

I've mined the scriptures of several founding preachers

I've surveyed my soul like a geologically trained cardiologist

I've sought out goodly counsel
and practiced NLP

Visualization hasn't helped me;
except to see what is definitely not

I have fancy life planners filled with charts, doodles and bucket lists

I've drilled myself on gnostic texts
in dead antiquitous languages

I'm still not sure where I'm going wrong

I know the truths of what is best
for mind and heart, muscles and chest

Yet I do not feel that I'm set free
to become all that I want to be

After all that I have invested of effort and time

Emotionally, I'm not managing
to get over the line

Something, I guess
must be holding me back

What is it Lord,

what do I lack?