It's just a death thing

 There is not any part of me that does not have a rip or a scar or an injury inflicted from unknown circumstances.  My interior bleeds it leads memories that cannot be forgotten, it makes me hate and doubt myself. The real world will never  be a place that I will be able to conquer. As each day passes more is drained from my soul and I feel that when the time comes  I made out any circumstance beyond what is death. There are so many scenarios to be thought about perhaps I will be born again into another body perhaps I will go to the heaven that the Catholics talk about it is bpure of any shate or pain. Maybe I will get 72 virgins, but once I'm done with the 72 they are no longer virgins.  So what would be next Allah perhaps free champagne? Perhaps I will hold the hand of God and he will walk me through golden gates  carved  and created by the most famous artists in heaven building the most beautiful place anyone could ever imagine. Incandescent streams with waves and multiple colors of koi  swim by like a rainbow on the run. Perhaps mother earth will take me into the ground turn me into a seed  and I will grow into a weeping willow on the cliff side. All I ask in the end  Is that my ashes are brought back to the beautiful earth that I love the one place to me that is the most beautiful,   millions of years ago it was the bottom of an ocean and today is an artistic landscape of beautiful red rocks and I know  that the Indians that lived and died there centuries ago know that it is a place of beauty and wonder and undying spirit of history.  This place is the Valley of Fire that is where you will find my soul drifting through the red rocks playing with children and animals With all the rest of the souls that chose that for their final resting place. Now that would be heaven! I can always dream